Jersey Boys and Robin Williams

Just a heads up: this is not a lighthearted entry. About halfway through you'll realize what an understatement that is. It's also long. Consider yourself warned. But if you choose to read it, please continue to the end.

I saw "Jersey Boys" last week. It was a good movie, but I left the theater with a profound sense of sadness that didn't really leave me until days later. I wrote the better part of this entry that night, but never finished it. Now, in the wake of Robin Williams' suicide, I find myself back on this train of thought. Bear with me as I start from the beginning.

"Jersey Boys" depicts the rise and fall of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. It covers about 20 years, then skips ahead to a reunion of the group in 1990. It ends on a happy note, showing them as young men again, singing under a street lamp. They had to do this, because to end it any other way would have been a decided downer. I do something similar with some of the books I read. I get to the end, and then I go back and read the first few pages again- back when there is just hope and potential and possibilities, before anyone dies or gets into drugs, or descends into depression. Before life hands them whatever conflict it is that becomes the central plot of the book. Because no matter how the characters cope with, grow from, and move on from these things, the simple fact is this: there are things you can't get back once they are lost. Youth. Innocence. Loved ones who have died. Unmarred friendships. Time.

When we read these books or watch these movies, it's easy enough to walk away. To get back to our real lives. Life happens so much slower than in the movies. So we can forget this truth:

Nothing gold can stay.

Things go wrong. People let you down, and you let them down. Mistakes are made, tempers are lost, angry words are said. Jobs are lost and plans fail. Things happen that are out of your control. If we survive the storm, the effects remain in our weather-beaten hulls and ragged sails. These don't only come from cinema-worthy drama and betrayal, either. The happiest of lives is not without its scars. Even if we could make it through without ever making a wrong turn, hurting someone we love, or being hurt, life still catches up to us in the end. Someone once pointed out that with every happy photo, you know that someday one of those people will be the only one left. Every child will one day be an orphan- or even worse if they aren't, if they die before their parents. Every happy young married couple- one day one of them will be alone and grieving.

Things fall apart, the center cannot hold.

We seek happiness, life, and fulfillment in countless places. In romance, work, or our children. In world travel, activism, or friendships. Even in a pint of ice cream or a beer. But all the while we know, deep down, that it can never last.

Our attempts, no matter how successful, bring more pain in the end. We break up, or get divorced, or stay happily married to the same person who eventually dies. Our children grow up into well-adjusted adults who, for that very reason, leave us and make choices we don't agree with. We fail in our cause, or we succeed with a vague sense of "Now what?" underlying the euphoria. We add new scars to our collection.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to devalue any of these things, or even say that they're not worth it in the end. Avoiding pain by building walls and never letting anyone in is a terrible way to live, and I don't recommend it at all. I'm simply pointing out the inherent breakdown and decay of our lives. Things fall apart. Nothing gold can stay.

Somewhere inside, recognized or not, we all know this. And so we adopt the mantra "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die." If we can't attain permanent happiness, we'll grasp at whatever we can. I can see it everywhere, this hopelessness. On TV, in the movies, in the songs on the radio. When Adam Levine sings,

"And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
'Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close"

or Sam Smith sings,

"Deep down I know this never works
But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt"

Others may hear a love song, but I hear sadness. Resignation. Despair, even. Just look at the movies we love. We crave the happy endings, but we believe the sad ones.

Everyone copes with this truth in different ways. We all find a different balm to ease the pain and give meaning. If I remember this, I can look with new compassion on the struggles of others. And I don't just mean a few certain groups that cope in certain ways. I mean everyone. Because everyone is fighting death and decay and loss. Can I blame them for the specific remedy they try? That doesn't mean that those remedies are good ones (I can tell you from personal experience that a six pack of coke, an entire pizza, and a gallon of ice cream is not a particularly healthy or helpful route), but they are understandable. Instead of looking on others' poor choices or sins with disgust or condemnation, I can look on them with sorrow and empathy. I'm in the same boat. I just have a different drug.

I read an article on cracked.com that explains the particular struggle of "funny people" like Robin Williams. You can read it here (I really recommend it). It makes my heart hurt for them. And then this picture/quote nearly brought me to tears.



"I heard a joke once. A man goes to the doctor. He says he's depressed. He says life is harsh and cruel. He feels all alone in a threatening world. The doctor says 'The treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.' The man bursts into tears and says 'But doctor... I am Pagliacci.'"

Whether or not you've ever struggled with depression or suicidal thoughts, on some level I think we can all feel his pain. We live in a world of decay and death. If there is no hope, what do we live for?

We are in desperate need of hope, of something good that cannot be taken away. Of joy and peace. Of acceptance and love for who we truly are. Of something that can overcome the death and destruction with which we are plagued.

Praise be to God, there is such a hope! That is not the whole story! Even in the darkness of this world, there is light. Children laugh, music soothes, there is beauty to be seen everywhere, both physical and beauty of spirit. These things- joy, life, hope, beauty- testify to His goodness and love. Though sin and death have tainted it, that is not the end of the story. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is not content to simply wash His hands of us. He will redeem his creation, and restore that which was lost. "The creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God" (Romans 8:21)

And we, His children, are in bondage as well, to sin and death. But He has come to set us free! To give us new and everlasting life. The world sometimes seems dark and hopeless, "But take heart," declares Jesus, "I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

In Him we have beauty that will never fade or disappear. I can marvel at the splendor of a sunset, though that sunset will soon be gone, never to return. I can rejoice in the knowledge that the author and creator of that beauty will never end. I could spend the rest of eternity exploring the depth and breadth of His beauty and never reach the end of it.

In Him we have the love we have craved. No need to cling to the facades we have so carefully crafted- He sees through them anyway. No need to pretend to be nicer or funnier, or smarter, or better than we are. He knows the deepest, darkest parts of us and still loves us as we could only dream of being loved. He sees the truth of you, the very core of who you are and says "You are beautiful and worthy of love. You are worth dying for."

God, through Jesus, has already done everything to save us, and He will continue to do everything, "until the redemption of those who are God's possession" (Ephesians 1:14). In that day "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning or crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." (Revelation 21:4)

No more death. No more tears. No more pain. Nothing but all of eternity to explore and enjoy the goodness, love, beauty, joy, and peace of God. I pray that even now Robin Williams is there, at peace with God and himself. I pray that one day we will all rejoice there together.